Weeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllll hello there everybody, how are you
today? (jeez, I sound like Mad Dog from WFAN in NYC. Ugh) It’s another
lovely Friday here on the East Coast, where it’s not quite raining (for like 4
weeks or something) and not quite nice out. Just what you want in a lovely day
at the office. Makes me want to rush home already….. Okay, enough about the
weather. As most of you know, this column of mine has been used for many many
things – usually, I rant on random topics that have popped into my head or have
been forced there by outside influences, such as Tom Withey. He seems to have
that effect for some reason, managing to come up with the most wacked out
things to say in normal conversation that anyone could possibly think of. So
we’ll begin with something that Tom and I were discussing a few weeks ago, that
of Cristall.
Cristall, what a wonderful thing – bottles of this wonderful champagne (not
sparkling wine, for you Californians) run for about $500 a bottle here in the
states. A little birdie out there told me it is cheaper in France, but
frankly, what the heck good does that do me? Not too much. But anyway, back
to digressing. I’ve noticed an alarming trend in rap music videos these days.
No, it’s not guns – no, it’s not flossing your ice (for those of you out of
touch, this means, “showing off your diamonds and platinum”), and no, it’s not
driving your badass car – which has to be a Bentley, by the way, or, as
Jermaine Dupri says “if you don’t have a Bentley, you ain’t a big dog” (taken
straight from MTV Cribs – a quality television program). This alarming trend
is the NON DRINKING usages for Cristall. Basically, the top two of these are:
Pouring it out of the bottle onto bikini clad women while you are dancing in
Puerto Rico singing “Big Pimpin” or something like that, or spitting it out all
over the place, such as Puff…er P. Diddy does in the “You can hate me now”
video. It’s more of the former than latter – so here’s my thought process.
Are they thinking the same thing I am about this – which is – “Why the hell
would you drink something that cost $500?!?!?!?!?!” You need to do something
better with it or something? I dunno – if someone could explain this to me,
I’d be much obliged. Then my hour watching the Rap City Top 10 would be so
much more manageable.
My next topic is scarily amusing. Last night, I saw the Mummy 2 movie (good
flick, indeed) and then had the pleasure of watching the most demented
Shockwave/Flash movie ever. You can find it at:
http://www.planettribes.com/allyourbase/ – click on “Video 1″ on the left side,
and then the top choice of which server you want it from – well, all the
servers work, but that one seems to be the best…. A little background -
there was this Sega game in 1989 called Zero Wing, which was originally done in
Japanese, and then loosely, and I use the word loosely loosely, into English.
As you will see in the beginning, it is very….interesting. Make sure your
sound works, so you get the full effect. I think you’ll enjoy it. After you
pick yourself up from the floor, you can let me know what you think.
http://www.newgrounds.com is a good site as well – lots of good animations and
quality use of bandwidth on the internet. Having trouble downloading software
to update your Virus Scanner for work on your LAN? Sites like these are why -
believe me – you won’t stop playing, if you can get through. Just don’t get
yourself fired. I would recommend watching them at home, however.
So, I finally got my 300 disc CD player back from the shop, for the second time
in two months – let’s see if it works for more than two days. Why, you might
ask, would someone need 300 discs in their CD player at one time? Well,
because you actually get a good shuffle play, that’s why. I mean, let’s think
about it. 300 discs at approximately 70 minutes per disc, is 21000 minutes, or
350 hours, or 14 and 1/2 days of consecutive music, all without having to
change CDs. That’s pretty cool in my book. Bets are being accepted at this
time as to the lifetime of this wonderful Sony product. At least it doesn’t
say “All your base are belong to us”.
So, we have those wonderful NJ Devils playing against the even more infuriating
Pittsburgh Penguins – the team with 2 of the last 3 scorers to win the NHL
scoring race for like the last 10 years or something, and they just can’t get
it done. And in the west, the Colorado Avalanche vs. the St. Louis Blues. I
hope someone other than the Devils wins the cup – I couldn’t deal with having
the state I live in have a team in its boundries which can win 2 Cups in five
years, and still not be able to sell out playoff games until the night of the
game. Yeah, lots of fans are just packing it in. That’s because the average
age of their fans is four. No, that’s not a dis, go to a game once in a while
- as many people as you see there who might be in their 20s and 30s, there are
bunch of kids at home, who are forced into Devil worship at an early age – with
their parents moving to New Jersey (you laugh, but freaking Monmouth/Ocean
counties have more population growth than anyplace I know – the joke on the
train when you see open land is “Hey, over there, open land!” and then like 3
days later there is a four hundred house neighborhood… Because that was
necessary) and taking on “new jersey’s hockey team” – people always ask me -
you’re from NJ, you like the Devils, right? Like it’s some sort of default. or
something – and after I stop retching, I can usually hold myself together long
enough to tell them, not on my life!
Let’s digress further…. Now of course, I’m biased on the next topic, but
hell, it’s my email. Why is it, that when you order food, not even just fast
food, but like a burger or something when you are out, that Cheese is the
default? I mean, maybe there’s more people who like cheese or something, and
I’m on the other end of the spectrum, but I feel that cheese discrimination is
totally uncalled for, and I want the world to begin “condiment-less” if you
will. Like Burger King, is – My way, right away, dammit. Like, you order subs
or something – they put cheese on them – even if you don’t ask, and you say
“Roast Beef on a hoagie with lettuce and tomato – they say, what kind of cheese
on that” Like, it’s not being polite, they are trying to get you to eat
cheese, and I just am not going there. I mean, it’s freaking old milk! Eww -
it’s bad enough that I can deal with it on pizza, when I’m not pulling half of
it off – uck! My favorite is when you are at like Chili’s or something, and
you ask for no cheese on something that comes with it on the menu, and they
look at you like you are nuts. What, no cheese, so obviously I’m some sort of
freak? I don’t think so!
Anyway – that was totally uncalled for. But who really cares. I think I have
about 80 more things to talk about, but I have to save something for next week.
Until then, remember – no comes pollo frito en el lunes de marzo!
Oh, almost forgot. Here’s today’s top whatever random thing list – we’ll see
how many I get on here…. Hope you all have a delightful weekend.
1. Someone set up us the bomb!
2. Harry Truman Doris Day Red China Johnny Ray South Pacific Walter Winchell
Joe Dimaggio or something along those lines.
3. 3 guesses – how many death threats does the “Weakest Link” hostess get
every ten minutes – your first two don’t count.
4. Howcome Christina Aguilera says nothing useful in her “What a Girl Wants”
song – I mean, I am trying to figure out this whole thing, but it’s all so
confusing =)
5. You all right, I learned it by watching you!
6. Whatever happened to the “Fly Girls” from In Living Color?
7. What ever happened to Adrian Zmed?
8. Are the Solid Gold dancers like really really old now?
8a. Did anyone good ever come on the Solid Gold show?
9. Did you know that you can use the juice squeezed from a small hole in an
orange to temporarily blind and burn someones eyes?
10. Whatever happened at the end of the Fat Albert series?