Well happy Wednesday morning (or Tuesday night, if you’re reading this tonight)
to all of you. Thought I would send yet another amusing message your way,
since it’s been almost a week… HAHA….
So, lots of quality current events going on this week. And this week certainly
proved that we have the most sensationalistic, self-effacing, delusional
press corps this side of well, nothing is worse than US. All we heard about
for the last two weeks was Tim McVeigh this, Tim McVeigh that – I mean,
give it a little bit of a rest – I really don’t think it needs to be the
headline of every single paper in the nation every single day. He basically
got everything he wanted at this point – proved his point that the government
would turn him into some sort of media blitzed psychopath, and that he would
get his in the end, but apparently not giving the “see, I won” smirk to
all of those who watched the signal from the death chamber on Monday morning
- what a loser. But I digress……… All I know is, a bunch of us on
the train on Monday looked at our watches as we pulled into Hoboken station,
and someone said “hey, I think he’s dead by now….” Just about dead on,
as 8:14EDT was the time, or so the story goes…. And the next paragraph
brings you the worst part….
Not that we need to have any more horrid things on the news, but I was talking
to someone Monday morning about flooding in Texas and in the Bayou, and
they were like “Flooding???? From what????” Well, apparently, since the
damn newstrucks couldn’t get to the scene, the news reporters, on the whole,
couldn’t give you much of a story – I mean, not that we didn’t know what
was going on – the freaking Weather channel was telling us that like 15
inches of rain were falling in a days’ time down there, and what were we
doing? We were on “Death Watch 2001″ or whatever…. So last night news
moved on a bit, and the DateLine NBCs of the world finally showed some stuff
about the people who have had their houses floated away by torrential flooding,
the alligator things roaming the neighborhoods, tormenting the souls as
they sit on their rooftops or trudge through the waters trying to find shelter…
But hey, I guess we would have heard about this if killing Tim McVeigh wasn’t
“What we all wanted to hear about 24/7″ What a freaking joke. So, as the
arena in Houston where the WNBA’s Houston Comets can’t play, because their
arena has four feet of water covering the basketball floor (oh, didn’t hear
about that yet?) I think everyone should be thankful their neighborhood
hasn’t floated away. Yet. But hey, I guess you wouldn’t know anything
was coming, weather wise, because someone else will probably get the ax
this week – who freaking knows these days…..
Anyway – I find myself getting more and more serious lately – maybe I’m
getting old. YEAH RIGHT. But whatever…. So what else can we rant on
this week –
howabout the fact that the president’s daughters are in every
photo out there just smiling and laughing, after getting their freaking
wrists slapped AGAIN, this time for their little “fake ID” incident. Like,
if I pulled a shenanigan such as that, I’d be hauled up so fast you wouldn’t
be able to read the logo on the back of my t-shirt in 72 point font….
And then the freaking first lady has the gaul to come out and say the press
should leave them alone? I find that amusing…. What I also find amusing
is that basically the Prez has told the Secret Service that they shouldn’t
interfere in his daughter’s lives unless there is a life or death sitch
going on…. Isn’t that just another invitation for some sicko to do something
horrid to the two of them the next time they run into a liquor store? I
mean seriously – Like, duh.
So – I was going to leave it alone, but I think I have to go here….
GO AVALANCHE!
Okay – had to get that out in the open – went to a little saturday night
hockey watching shindig type deal last week, with a bunch of devil fans
present and accounted for, so I had to be on my best behavior – which I
suppose I was – at least to a point – I brought another Ranger fan with
me, and at one point I swear I heard him say something about putting on
a Devil jersey. I never showed anyone that much chewed up Tostito in my
mouth ever before in my life – it must have been to their horror. But wear
a Devil jersey? Who does that? ARGH! So we must give our props to the
‘lanche – for they came back from 3-2 in the Devs house to win the series
4-3, winning the Cup with Ray Bourque in tow, so the man can finally retire
happy…… Twas a good sight to see, for hockey, sports, etc – but hey,
even as a hockey fan, if I see another little segment on Bourque’s 22 years
in the NHL that were Cup-less, I think I’ll throw up all the Tostitos that
are handy – (Frito-Lay pays me a little on the side – I wish!)
So, as I sit here with like 300 damn CDs in the CD player, and can’t find
anything good to listen to (damn, I have a Barenaked Ladies CD??? – NEXT!)
and ponder the week ahead – hmm, what do we have coming up – well, frankly,
we only have the Hollywood Fakers playing against A.I. (not to be confused
with the movie of the same name, coming soon from Dreamworks SKG), and the
boys, plus lots of meaningless baseball games (since freaking Clemens isn’t
pitching at Shea, dammit) to watch for the next few months – anyone up for
some trips out to NFL minicamp? Damn, I’d hit the Bengals camp at this
point – and they suck really really really really really really really bad.
I guess we have to end this absolutely worthless piece of email dementedness
with a list of some sort. So here it is.
Top 10 things to Do When No
Good Sports are on:
10. Watch tapes of the 1994 Stanley Cup finals
9. Go to the mall – buy swedish fish – make sure you get alot – then, while
riding shotgun with your best driver friend, wing them at people you pass
who are walking – if this doesn’t sound amusing, you can walk down the streets
of Hoboken, and lick them and stick them to the windows of stores. My favorite
is Blockbuster Video. You should try it – just don’t tell them you heard
it from me.
8. Sit in the lobby of your favorite building (I prefer the World Trade
Center), and try to figure out what song they are playing on Muzak – I heard
“Love Bites” by Def Leppard the other day, I swear!
7. Order pizza – to other people’s houses.
6. Scream “Borscht!” while out with colleagues.
5. Play “Where My Girls At” by 702, followed by anything by Pearl Jam on
the jukebox at your favorite pool hall – when people try to figure out where
the hell the first song came from, look up beamingly, and say “I played
that!” – then run.
4. Go to the beach – disguise yourself as sunblock. (note – this is quite
difficult to perfect – you’ll have to keep trying – if you can’t figure
out it, please let me know, and I’ll make sure to smack you repeatedly)
3. Whatever you do – watch the MTV Movie Awards!
2. Do – Watch Bobby Flay kick the Iron Chef’s ass. AGAIN!!!!!!! Shameless
plug for my friend Nancy at foodtv.
1. Go to the movies on Friday, June 15th – See Tomb Raider – twice. I
hear that Angelina Jolie is in it.
Anyway – that was amusing – or maybe not, for you all – as always, be sure
to write to Bob the fish, as he will be doing his advice column on tombiro.com
shortly – I’m sure you’ll all find it absolutely stupid, but hey, these
things happen.
Have a great day, week, year, whatever…. =)
TB