Well – what have we here – lots of fun stuff to talk about, I’d have to
say…. So in the last two weeks, we’ve had: Exactly 1 mother killing
her children in the bathtub, one vice president getting a pacemaker, causing
half of the free press to flip out and decide this was the worst thing ever,
lots more terrorism in the middle east, and absolutely nothing good on television.
Where to begin – did any of you see the NBA draft last week? I’m basically
crying my eyes out because a bunch of guys who are like 8 years younger
than me just got drafted and will probably start at some point this season
for their respective teams…. Michael Jordan is probably going to suit
up old #23 for the Washington Wizards this season – that should be fascinating
- someone at work told me they thought he was just a media monger, who needed
to have his name in lights all the time, and I wasn’t believing it, at least
until now. I mean, seriously – hang ‘em up for once – don’t be like boxers
who unretire like 400 times, only to get the crap kicked out of them once
again….. But who am I to say… Maybe MJ needs the money.. Nahhhhh.
So – how do you think the husband of that woman in Texas was feeling when
he walked in his house only to find that all the kids were indeed dead,
by his wife’s hands, after being drowned in the bathtub? I don’t know about
the rest of you, but I might have had a little trouble containing myself
- but hey, what do I know. The spin next week, due to the 50% rate of divorce
in this country right now, will probably be “This husband is a testament
to marriage, he stayed with her for all this time, and continues to stand
by her….. or whatever” Okay, fine – be that way. Anyone taking bets
on whether they actually charge her with capital murder?
So the vice president has a pacemaker – big deal – but no, media out there
is freaking out, like we’re all going to go to hell now because VP Cheney
has got balloons in his chest now….. I think we’ll be okay – I can see
Alexander Haig declaring himself president now – wouldn’t that be interesting…..
(for those of you who missed that reference, look up “Reagan, Ronald”)
Did anyone go see any big movies lately? Saw that “The Fast and the Furious”
movie last weekend, was pretty good, actually… Of course, that night
some fool in like a Lamborghini or something decided to drag race a Corvette
and get killed – what a dumbass. So we then have people saying “look what
this movie did, look look look!” SHUT UP! The dude was driving a freaking
sports car that cost like $400,000 or whatever – it’s not like he was 18
and driving his souped up Honda Civic or whatever… Lighten the heck up…
Let’s see what we can say from these latest movies that have arrived…..
1. A.I. – “latest reports show that adopted children are being left in
the forest at an alarming rate – this must be the fault of that Spielberg
character…”
2. Tomb Raider – “exotic looking women are searching for buried treasure
everywhere, all the while wearing skimpy little outfits – film at 11…”
3. Atlantis – “kids everywhere keep diving to the bottom of the Atlantic
Ocean, in order to find Disney’s latest masterpiece – what a terror”
4. crazy/beautiful – “blond haired cute girls are going out with people
of a descent other than their own – in fact, many of them are dating people
of spanish descent! e-gads! (not to be confused with Glen Eads)”
5. Doctor Dolittle 2 – I’m not even going to go here
6. Baby Boy – “men everywhere are flocking to dress like Snoop Dogg and
Tyrese, just because they think that’ll get them hot girls and some phat
new music videos.”
7. Pearl Harbor – damn, that’s still out?
8. Shrek – “people everywhere are painting their faces green in order to
get the girl in the end – unfortunately, they’re using house paint, and
ending up like all those people in the James Bond movie ‘Goldfinger’ *cue
trumpets*”
Like duh – how stupid are people supposed to be taken as…. If everything
was horrible, then why don’t we all just shut up, shut everything down,
and blast this damn land mass into our own personal islands – I’m so sick
of the P/C bunch that I want to vomit wildly and in all directions, preferably
while in a public place. ARGH!
Okay – here’s the top ten list of the day – it’s the Top Ten Reasons to
learn a foreign language – ready?
10. Learning all those bad words is amusing….
9. Now you can watch those DVDs in some other language – preferably something
odd….. Try “The Matrix”!
8. Listening in on others’ conversations on subways is amusing, when they
think you don’t know what they are saying…
7. You can have a neat accent when dining at a foreign restaurant, and
the wait staff won’t look at you like you’re a fool when trying to order
your dinner as it is read off the menu
6. Watching game shows in Spanish is great!
5. You can tune in to the SAP channel for Yankee games!
4. You can pretend you don’t understand english now when people ask you
for things you don’t have – try this with your boss! No hablo Ingles!
3. You can now figure out what foreign sports players’ names really mean
- it’s fun!
2. I don’t have a #2!
1. You can learn a new language to impress girls you like!
Okay – so maybe that doesn’t work – but it’s a nice thought.
Blah blah blah blah blah – have a good Fourth of July, and make sure you
don’t blow off any limbs – you might need them later.
TJB