tombiro.com

Well hello there….. Ever wonder exactly where you were at a particular
moment and then realize it was nowhere special? Me neither. Just thought
I’d ask….. Been a little while since you’ve heard from me, and I’ve got
nothing useful to say, so goodbye. Just kidding. I just realized that
I had been such a slacker that I’d not put the last two rants on tombiro.com
- what is my problem? I’m like…. behind or something. Ewww.

Lots of good dirt to throw around…. Have you seen these articles with
like famous people dissing the President? I mean, I think he’s a dolt too,
but does Jennifer Aniston’s comments about him in Rolling Stone really do
the world any great justice.. Like, seriously, who gives a @#$! what she
thinks about George W. Bush. All I know is, the dumb ass bastard traded
Sammy Sosa for like some washed up old dude who couldn’t hit a home run
anymore if it smacked him in the face.

So Gary Condit is slowing down a little in the news, finally…. Although
this week I heard, after my Monday afternoon kayaking experience, that he
had some sort of like “death squad” thingy where if he were to die while
having sex with one of those ugly chicks that keep coming out in the news,
that they were to call some secret number and they would dispose of his
body…… Do you think they’d make it look like a suicide and put him
on a park bench in downtown DC? Oops, sorry, been done before… But seriously
- people are always saying “That Gary Condit’s just not that good looking,
what do these women see in him…?” Have you seen any of these women?
They’re not exactly modeling for Victoria’s Secret anytime soon….. But
I digress.

So football starts this week – you know what that means…… Umm. I dunno,
what does that mean? Oh yeah, I’ll be mooching satellite dish access so
I can watch my beloved Raiders kick some ass. Madd props go to Hazlet Tom
on this one – I have to code them by towns now, because I know so many…..
I mean seriously, it’s bad enough that he actually named his kid TJ, because
he knew that his real name spoken out loud would just cause mass confusion
and hysteria. Okay, maybe he just thought it was cool. I’m also going
to see John Mellencamp on Friday night…. Should be pretty cool…. No
“cougar” though, so I don’t know what is up with that….

So I’m still making these playlist things on uplister (http://www.uplister.com)
and have made it all the way up to #118 all time – I’m kind of stuck there….
Kind of frustrating – it’s like being able to golf under 100….. It’ll
happen eventually, but for right now I’m annoyed about it… At least I’ve
not hit any drivers in the fairway yet… FORE!

So what is up with H-P
purchasing Compaq? Like who woke up and thought that was a good idea?
“hmmm, our company is sucking royally – which washed up PC maker can we
buy today – Dell…nope, too good, Gateway? nope, they suck really bad…..
Comcrap… Yeah, that’s the ticket – in fact, let’s stock swap, and screw
everyone over…” Doesn’t the concept of a stock swap sound kinda amusing…
It’s not totally literal, but it’s like, “hey bob, here’s my shares – give
me some of yours!” and like, then you just have each other’s stuff…
Not quite, but hey, if you’re not up on this stuff, the financial news has
to sound really dumb….

So I’ve been reading the Wall Street Journal….. I just don’t get the
fact that it doesn’t have a crossword puzzle…. What kind of crap is that?
I mean, seriously….. “what’s a three letter word for annoying ass agency
who doesn’t seem to know what they want to do” ooh ooh i know, I know -
FED… HAHAHAHAHA.

So I’ve determined why people spend so much money
on shoes…. Because you have to wear them on your feet, and bad cheap
shoes suck royally! I seriously need to purchase some new footwear, and
am determined to not spend $226234100410340134002658250100134 at Cole Haan.
What is up with that…… Like, I can hear someone’s Grandpa saying “that’s
how they get ya!” right this moment…….

Speaking of the Wall St. Journal – there was actually an article today about
guys shaving their chests…. Ummm… Did I miss something? Anyway.

So I guess I’ll move on to something interesting…. Time for a top 10
list or whatever… These are just today’s random thoughts…

10. In like 50 years, will Jerry Lewis hold a “Poke-thon” for abandoned
creatures like Pikachu and Drowzee?
9. Can you get hammered if you have too many Beer Nuts?
8. Is there anything that DOESN’T cause cancer?
7. Where do new words come from? Are there like elves somewhere who come
up with them while they’re waiting for the cookies to come out of the oven?
6. How long will it take for people to realize that going to college IS
NOT all about pedigree….?
5. Does anyone REALLY think that “End of the Road” makes a good prom song?
It’s about dead people!
4. What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
3. Does anyone REALLY think the Yankees won’t win the World Series this
year?
2. Are Starsky and Hutch copying Bo & Luke Duke, or is it the other way
around……
1. If an electric train is going east at 50 miles an hour, and another
electric train is going west at 60 miles an hour, how many ducks can you
get in a row?

Hope you enjoyed this little venture into silliness, and go back to your
wonderful jobs, lives, and fleur de lis gathering states of mind…. Later!

Well – what have we here – lots of fun stuff to talk about, I’d have to
say…. So in the last two weeks, we’ve had: Exactly 1 mother killing
her children in the bathtub, one vice president getting a pacemaker, causing
half of the free press to flip out and decide this was the worst thing ever,
lots more terrorism in the middle east, and absolutely nothing good on television.

Where to begin – did any of you see the NBA draft last week? I’m basically
crying my eyes out because a bunch of guys who are like 8 years younger
than me just got drafted and will probably start at some point this season
for their respective teams…. Michael Jordan is probably going to suit
up old #23 for the Washington Wizards this season – that should be fascinating
- someone at work told me they thought he was just a media monger, who needed
to have his name in lights all the time, and I wasn’t believing it, at least
until now. I mean, seriously – hang ‘em up for once – don’t be like boxers
who unretire like 400 times, only to get the crap kicked out of them once
again….. But who am I to say… Maybe MJ needs the money.. Nahhhhh.

So – how do you think the husband of that woman in Texas was feeling when
he walked in his house only to find that all the kids were indeed dead,
by his wife’s hands, after being drowned in the bathtub? I don’t know about
the rest of you, but I might have had a little trouble containing myself
- but hey, what do I know. The spin next week, due to the 50% rate of divorce
in this country right now, will probably be “This husband is a testament
to marriage, he stayed with her for all this time, and continues to stand
by her….. or whatever” Okay, fine – be that way. Anyone taking bets
on whether they actually charge her with capital murder?

So the vice president has a pacemaker – big deal – but no, media out there
is freaking out, like we’re all going to go to hell now because VP Cheney
has got balloons in his chest now….. I think we’ll be okay – I can see
Alexander Haig declaring himself president now – wouldn’t that be interesting…..
(for those of you who missed that reference, look up “Reagan, Ronald”)

Did anyone go see any big movies lately? Saw that “The Fast and the Furious”
movie last weekend, was pretty good, actually… Of course, that night
some fool in like a Lamborghini or something decided to drag race a Corvette
and get killed – what a dumbass. So we then have people saying “look what
this movie did, look look look!” SHUT UP! The dude was driving a freaking
sports car that cost like $400,000 or whatever – it’s not like he was 18
and driving his souped up Honda Civic or whatever… Lighten the heck up…

Let’s see what we can say from these latest movies that have arrived…..

1. A.I. – “latest reports show that adopted children are being left in
the forest at an alarming rate – this must be the fault of that Spielberg
character…”
2. Tomb Raider – “exotic looking women are searching for buried treasure
everywhere, all the while wearing skimpy little outfits – film at 11…”
3. Atlantis – “kids everywhere keep diving to the bottom of the Atlantic
Ocean, in order to find Disney’s latest masterpiece – what a terror”
4. crazy/beautiful – “blond haired cute girls are going out with people
of a descent other than their own – in fact, many of them are dating people
of spanish descent! e-gads! (not to be confused with Glen Eads)”
5. Doctor Dolittle 2 – I’m not even going to go here
6. Baby Boy – “men everywhere are flocking to dress like Snoop Dogg and
Tyrese, just because they think that’ll get them hot girls and some phat
new music videos.”
7. Pearl Harbor – damn, that’s still out?
8. Shrek – “people everywhere are painting their faces green in order to
get the girl in the end – unfortunately, they’re using house paint, and
ending up like all those people in the James Bond movie ‘Goldfinger’ *cue
trumpets*”

Like duh – how stupid are people supposed to be taken as…. If everything
was horrible, then why don’t we all just shut up, shut everything down,
and blast this damn land mass into our own personal islands – I’m so sick
of the P/C bunch that I want to vomit wildly and in all directions, preferably
while in a public place. ARGH!

Okay – here’s the top ten list of the day – it’s the Top Ten Reasons to
learn a foreign language – ready?

10. Learning all those bad words is amusing….
9. Now you can watch those DVDs in some other language – preferably something
odd….. Try “The Matrix”!
8. Listening in on others’ conversations on subways is amusing, when they
think you don’t know what they are saying…
7. You can have a neat accent when dining at a foreign restaurant, and
the wait staff won’t look at you like you’re a fool when trying to order
your dinner as it is read off the menu
6. Watching game shows in Spanish is great!
5. You can tune in to the SAP channel for Yankee games!
4. You can pretend you don’t understand english now when people ask you
for things you don’t have – try this with your boss! No hablo Ingles!
3. You can now figure out what foreign sports players’ names really mean
- it’s fun!
2. I don’t have a #2!
1. You can learn a new language to impress girls you like!

Okay – so maybe that doesn’t work – but it’s a nice thought.

Blah blah blah blah blah – have a good Fourth of July, and make sure you
don’t blow off any limbs – you might need them later.

TJB

Well happy Wednesday morning (or Tuesday night, if you’re reading this tonight)
to all of you. Thought I would send yet another amusing message your way,
since it’s been almost a week… HAHA….

So, lots of quality current events going on this week. And this week certainly
proved that we have the most sensationalistic, self-effacing, delusional
press corps this side of well, nothing is worse than US. All we heard about
for the last two weeks was Tim McVeigh this, Tim McVeigh that – I mean,
give it a little bit of a rest – I really don’t think it needs to be the
headline of every single paper in the nation every single day. He basically
got everything he wanted at this point – proved his point that the government
would turn him into some sort of media blitzed psychopath, and that he would
get his in the end, but apparently not giving the “see, I won” smirk to
all of those who watched the signal from the death chamber on Monday morning
- what a loser. But I digress……… All I know is, a bunch of us on
the train on Monday looked at our watches as we pulled into Hoboken station,
and someone said “hey, I think he’s dead by now….” Just about dead on,
as 8:14EDT was the time, or so the story goes…. And the next paragraph
brings you the worst part….

Not that we need to have any more horrid things on the news, but I was talking
to someone Monday morning about flooding in Texas and in the Bayou, and
they were like “Flooding???? From what????” Well, apparently, since the
damn newstrucks couldn’t get to the scene, the news reporters, on the whole,
couldn’t give you much of a story – I mean, not that we didn’t know what
was going on – the freaking Weather channel was telling us that like 15
inches of rain were falling in a days’ time down there, and what were we
doing? We were on “Death Watch 2001″ or whatever…. So last night news
moved on a bit, and the DateLine NBCs of the world finally showed some stuff
about the people who have had their houses floated away by torrential flooding,
the alligator things roaming the neighborhoods, tormenting the souls as
they sit on their rooftops or trudge through the waters trying to find shelter…
But hey, I guess we would have heard about this if killing Tim McVeigh wasn’t
“What we all wanted to hear about 24/7″ What a freaking joke. So, as the
arena in Houston where the WNBA’s Houston Comets can’t play, because their
arena has four feet of water covering the basketball floor (oh, didn’t hear
about that yet?) I think everyone should be thankful their neighborhood
hasn’t floated away. Yet. But hey, I guess you wouldn’t know anything
was coming, weather wise, because someone else will probably get the ax
this week – who freaking knows these days…..

Anyway – I find myself getting more and more serious lately – maybe I’m
getting old. YEAH RIGHT. But whatever…. So what else can we rant on
this week –

howabout the fact that the president’s daughters are in every
photo out there just smiling and laughing, after getting their freaking
wrists slapped AGAIN, this time for their little “fake ID” incident. Like,
if I pulled a shenanigan such as that, I’d be hauled up so fast you wouldn’t
be able to read the logo on the back of my t-shirt in 72 point font….
And then the freaking first lady has the gaul to come out and say the press
should leave them alone? I find that amusing…. What I also find amusing
is that basically the Prez has told the Secret Service that they shouldn’t
interfere in his daughter’s lives unless there is a life or death sitch
going on…. Isn’t that just another invitation for some sicko to do something
horrid to the two of them the next time they run into a liquor store? I
mean seriously – Like, duh.

So – I was going to leave it alone, but I think I have to go here….

GO AVALANCHE!

Okay – had to get that out in the open – went to a little saturday night
hockey watching shindig type deal last week, with a bunch of devil fans
present and accounted for, so I had to be on my best behavior – which I
suppose I was – at least to a point – I brought another Ranger fan with
me, and at one point I swear I heard him say something about putting on
a Devil jersey. I never showed anyone that much chewed up Tostito in my
mouth ever before in my life – it must have been to their horror. But wear
a Devil jersey? Who does that? ARGH! So we must give our props to the
‘lanche – for they came back from 3-2 in the Devs house to win the series
4-3, winning the Cup with Ray Bourque in tow, so the man can finally retire
happy…… Twas a good sight to see, for hockey, sports, etc – but hey,
even as a hockey fan, if I see another little segment on Bourque’s 22 years
in the NHL that were Cup-less, I think I’ll throw up all the Tostitos that
are handy – (Frito-Lay pays me a little on the side – I wish!)

So, as I sit here with like 300 damn CDs in the CD player, and can’t find
anything good to listen to (damn, I have a Barenaked Ladies CD??? – NEXT!)
and ponder the week ahead – hmm, what do we have coming up – well, frankly,
we only have the Hollywood Fakers playing against A.I. (not to be confused
with the movie of the same name, coming soon from Dreamworks SKG), and the
boys, plus lots of meaningless baseball games (since freaking Clemens isn’t
pitching at Shea, dammit) to watch for the next few months – anyone up for
some trips out to NFL minicamp? Damn, I’d hit the Bengals camp at this
point – and they suck really really really really really really really bad.

I guess we have to end this absolutely worthless piece of email dementedness
with a list of some sort. So here it is.

Top 10 things to Do When No
Good Sports are on:

10. Watch tapes of the 1994 Stanley Cup finals
9. Go to the mall – buy swedish fish – make sure you get alot – then, while
riding shotgun with your best driver friend, wing them at people you pass
who are walking – if this doesn’t sound amusing, you can walk down the streets
of Hoboken, and lick them and stick them to the windows of stores. My favorite
is Blockbuster Video. You should try it – just don’t tell them you heard
it from me.
8. Sit in the lobby of your favorite building (I prefer the World Trade
Center), and try to figure out what song they are playing on Muzak – I heard
“Love Bites” by Def Leppard the other day, I swear!
7. Order pizza – to other people’s houses.
6. Scream “Borscht!” while out with colleagues.
5. Play “Where My Girls At” by 702, followed by anything by Pearl Jam on
the jukebox at your favorite pool hall – when people try to figure out where
the hell the first song came from, look up beamingly, and say “I played
that!” – then run.
4. Go to the beach – disguise yourself as sunblock. (note – this is quite
difficult to perfect – you’ll have to keep trying – if you can’t figure
out it, please let me know, and I’ll make sure to smack you repeatedly)
3. Whatever you do – watch the MTV Movie Awards!
2. Do – Watch Bobby Flay kick the Iron Chef’s ass. AGAIN!!!!!!! Shameless
plug for my friend Nancy at foodtv.
1. Go to the movies on Friday, June 15th – See Tomb Raider – twice. I
hear that Angelina Jolie is in it.

Anyway – that was amusing – or maybe not, for you all – as always, be sure
to write to Bob the fish, as he will be doing his advice column on tombiro.com
shortly – I’m sure you’ll all find it absolutely stupid, but hey, these
things happen.

Have a great day, week, year, whatever…. =)

TB

Well – hello there – look who decided to write you during the week…. your absolutely senile friend Tom Biro…. what the heck was he thinking…

So, I guess we’ll start at the beginning. If you hadn’t already noticed, you’re getting email from the most ludicrous of all email addresses, right? Yeah, basically. But that’s okay, because YOU TOO!! can get a tombiro.com email address. I know you’re all dying to get one out there, so you better step up to the plate, before they’re all gone! Okay, so they’re free, and there are as many as you want, but hey, a guy has to try… At least I didn’t say they would be $21.95 per month or something stupid.

So – what the heck will go on at tombiro.com? Well, nothing useful, basically. I thought it would be an amusing place to put my weekly rant, rather than fill up your mailboxes, and put some other amusing things. I plan on keeping it somewhat primitive, a la DRUDGE REPORT, and more things will come as time passes, and I deem it necessary to play with damn HTML coding. But for the meantime, you can read the last two emails that you have already seen, get your own email addresses, and press that little “fishies” button on the homepage – don’t even ask, because I haven’t begun to even figure out why my buttons are made of little fishies. I just found it amusing in my wealth of clipart, so I decided to put the little freaks to good use. Coming soon there will be message boards, so you can have your own board to post about basically anything you want….. There will also be useless links to useless things, such as the best timewaster at 2am, http://www.newgrounds.com – check out All Your Base while you’re there – you’ll appreciate it. Unless you have a crappy internet connection, at which time you will permanently hate me.

But anyway – do I have anything useful to say today? Yeah, I guess so…. First I figured I would vent about the fact that the dreaded NJ Devils are on the brink of winning yet another Stanley Cup, and it is basically killing me. I think I have an ulcer or something. Or maybe that’s just those stab wounds from sword fighting. Anyway – I can’t deal with the stupid Devils winning again – it’s just not good for hockey. Because NO ONE CARES. But I digress…..

What else is going on in the world….Hmm – some prince guy managed to kill the rest of the royal family in Nepal, and has since taken over the kingship. What is up with that crap? I mean, seriously. Like he gets on TV and says “there will be a full investigation….” Yeah, and you’ll find the real killers, right? What-ever.

I’ve also determined that society as a whole is generally rotting away with utter racism. Really really really really really really good article at the rear of Sports Illustrated a couple weeks back. Basically the writer, Rick Reilly, was giving you a description of a certain player in the NBA who worked hard every day, was a nice guy, took care of his mother, etc. He kept saying….”you think it’s Jerry West…” or, “you think it’s John Stockton…” etc…. and then kept saying “wrong!” it turns out the guy was Allen Iverson, who 90% of the letters to SI that week had trashed for being on the cover with his tattooed self. Get a freaking grip people. Media is shocking. Can’t deal with a guy with braids and a ton of tattoos and a smile? Deal. You’re damn happy when you are rooting for him torching the other team for 50 points and hitting 8 of 10 three pointers, but dammit, the moment he’s in your mailbox, you’re all up in arms? Shut up and cancel your damn subscription. LOL – I know, I know, I’m stamping on that person’s right to complain, but hey, I can retort if I want to. But anyway – this totally sums up in a microcosm the world today. Especially being in NYC…. Like we actually are cognizant (sp?) of the fact that we pass buy like tons of homeless people every day, and that they end up being part of the scenery – totally sad, but like amazing that people are at that point. Oh well. I’m on my high horse, and I think my saddle just flipped off. Maybe you’re out there flipping me off, but whatever…..

On a lighter note….

Here are the top 10 reasons to go to the movies this summer:

10. Lara Croft
9. Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft
8. Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft running
7. Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft jumping
6. Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft beating people up
5. Angelina Jolie
4. Sensing a pattern here? Okay, switch it up. A.I.
3. Those nifty loveseat chairs….
2. Jurassic Park 3
1. 2 words – Air Conditioning

Okay – that was enlightening – anyway – this message is wack, and going way too long, but I thought I would let you all know that I’ll be posting all kinds of rants and raves on the site, probably on a regular basis, eventually by topic, etc. So if you want me to destroy a topic wholeheartedly, please feel free to write me at this address about it.

And don’t forget about the fishies!

Have a good day.

Tom

Weeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllll hello there everybody, how are you
today? (jeez, I sound like Mad Dog from WFAN in NYC. Ugh) It’s another
lovely Friday here on the East Coast, where it’s not quite raining (for like 4
weeks or something) and not quite nice out. Just what you want in a lovely day
at the office. Makes me want to rush home already….. Okay, enough about the
weather. As most of you know, this column of mine has been used for many many
things – usually, I rant on random topics that have popped into my head or have
been forced there by outside influences, such as Tom Withey. He seems to have
that effect for some reason, managing to come up with the most wacked out
things to say in normal conversation that anyone could possibly think of. So
we’ll begin with something that Tom and I were discussing a few weeks ago, that
of Cristall.

Cristall, what a wonderful thing – bottles of this wonderful champagne (not
sparkling wine, for you Californians) run for about $500 a bottle here in the
states. A little birdie out there told me it is cheaper in France, but
frankly, what the heck good does that do me? Not too much. But anyway, back
to digressing. I’ve noticed an alarming trend in rap music videos these days.
No, it’s not guns – no, it’s not flossing your ice (for those of you out of
touch, this means, “showing off your diamonds and platinum”), and no, it’s not
driving your badass car – which has to be a Bentley, by the way, or, as
Jermaine Dupri says “if you don’t have a Bentley, you ain’t a big dog” (taken
straight from MTV Cribs – a quality television program). This alarming trend
is the NON DRINKING usages for Cristall. Basically, the top two of these are:
Pouring it out of the bottle onto bikini clad women while you are dancing in
Puerto Rico singing “Big Pimpin” or something like that, or spitting it out all
over the place, such as Puff…er P. Diddy does in the “You can hate me now”
video. It’s more of the former than latter – so here’s my thought process.
Are they thinking the same thing I am about this – which is – “Why the hell
would you drink something that cost $500?!?!?!?!?!” You need to do something
better with it or something? I dunno – if someone could explain this to me,
I’d be much obliged. Then my hour watching the Rap City Top 10 would be so
much more manageable.
My next topic is scarily amusing. Last night, I saw the Mummy 2 movie (good
flick, indeed) and then had the pleasure of watching the most demented
Shockwave/Flash movie ever. You can find it at:
http://www.planettribes.com/allyourbase/ – click on “Video 1″ on the left side,
and then the top choice of which server you want it from – well, all the
servers work, but that one seems to be the best…. A little background -
there was this Sega game in 1989 called Zero Wing, which was originally done in
Japanese, and then loosely, and I use the word loosely loosely, into English.
As you will see in the beginning, it is very….interesting. Make sure your
sound works, so you get the full effect. I think you’ll enjoy it. After you
pick yourself up from the floor, you can let me know what you think.
http://www.newgrounds.com is a good site as well – lots of good animations and
quality use of bandwidth on the internet. Having trouble downloading software
to update your Virus Scanner for work on your LAN? Sites like these are why -
believe me – you won’t stop playing, if you can get through. Just don’t get
yourself fired. I would recommend watching them at home, however.

So, I finally got my 300 disc CD player back from the shop, for the second time
in two months – let’s see if it works for more than two days. Why, you might
ask, would someone need 300 discs in their CD player at one time? Well,
because you actually get a good shuffle play, that’s why. I mean, let’s think
about it. 300 discs at approximately 70 minutes per disc, is 21000 minutes, or
350 hours, or 14 and 1/2 days of consecutive music, all without having to
change CDs. That’s pretty cool in my book. Bets are being accepted at this
time as to the lifetime of this wonderful Sony product. At least it doesn’t
say “All your base are belong to us”.

So, we have those wonderful NJ Devils playing against the even more infuriating
Pittsburgh Penguins – the team with 2 of the last 3 scorers to win the NHL
scoring race for like the last 10 years or something, and they just can’t get
it done. And in the west, the Colorado Avalanche vs. the St. Louis Blues. I
hope someone other than the Devils wins the cup – I couldn’t deal with having
the state I live in have a team in its boundries which can win 2 Cups in five
years, and still not be able to sell out playoff games until the night of the
game. Yeah, lots of fans are just packing it in. That’s because the average
age of their fans is four. No, that’s not a dis, go to a game once in a while
- as many people as you see there who might be in their 20s and 30s, there are
bunch of kids at home, who are forced into Devil worship at an early age – with
their parents moving to New Jersey (you laugh, but freaking Monmouth/Ocean
counties have more population growth than anyplace I know – the joke on the
train when you see open land is “Hey, over there, open land!” and then like 3
days later there is a four hundred house neighborhood… Because that was
necessary) and taking on “new jersey’s hockey team” – people always ask me -
you’re from NJ, you like the Devils, right? Like it’s some sort of default. or
something – and after I stop retching, I can usually hold myself together long
enough to tell them, not on my life!

Let’s digress further…. Now of course, I’m biased on the next topic, but
hell, it’s my email. Why is it, that when you order food, not even just fast
food, but like a burger or something when you are out, that Cheese is the
default? I mean, maybe there’s more people who like cheese or something, and
I’m on the other end of the spectrum, but I feel that cheese discrimination is
totally uncalled for, and I want the world to begin “condiment-less” if you
will. Like Burger King, is – My way, right away, dammit. Like, you order subs
or something – they put cheese on them – even if you don’t ask, and you say
“Roast Beef on a hoagie with lettuce and tomato – they say, what kind of cheese
on that” Like, it’s not being polite, they are trying to get you to eat
cheese, and I just am not going there. I mean, it’s freaking old milk! Eww -
it’s bad enough that I can deal with it on pizza, when I’m not pulling half of
it off – uck! My favorite is when you are at like Chili’s or something, and
you ask for no cheese on something that comes with it on the menu, and they
look at you like you are nuts. What, no cheese, so obviously I’m some sort of
freak? I don’t think so!

Anyway – that was totally uncalled for. But who really cares. I think I have
about 80 more things to talk about, but I have to save something for next week.
Until then, remember – no comes pollo frito en el lunes de marzo!

Oh, almost forgot. Here’s today’s top whatever random thing list – we’ll see
how many I get on here…. Hope you all have a delightful weekend.

1. Someone set up us the bomb!
2. Harry Truman Doris Day Red China Johnny Ray South Pacific Walter Winchell
Joe Dimaggio or something along those lines.
3. 3 guesses – how many death threats does the “Weakest Link” hostess get
every ten minutes – your first two don’t count.
4. Howcome Christina Aguilera says nothing useful in her “What a Girl Wants”
song – I mean, I am trying to figure out this whole thing, but it’s all so
confusing =)
5. You all right, I learned it by watching you!
6. Whatever happened to the “Fly Girls” from In Living Color?
7. What ever happened to Adrian Zmed?
8. Are the Solid Gold dancers like really really old now?
8a. Did anyone good ever come on the Solid Gold show?
9. Did you know that you can use the juice squeezed from a small hole in an
orange to temporarily blind and burn someones eyes?
10. Whatever happened at the end of the Fat Albert series?

Hmmm….. Guess it’s been a while since you’ve heard from this guy, hasn’t it. How unfortunate for you. I guess you’ll just have to survive through this latest episode of Tom gets loose with his thoughts. I’ve got lots of good dirt for today, so forget about going outside on this 90 degree day in the Northeast, and stay in the comfort of your office/cube/desk type area, and read my wonderful words of wisdom. Or not.

Let’s start it off with some interesting points to ponder. What is up with Survivor – they have to have a 3rd one because no one died in the Outback? Let’s go to Africa next time. Yeah, that’s a good idea. Why don’t they send them to somewhere where the warlords are shooting people in the streets. Talk about surviving. And what is up with this last episode last night anyway (not that I watched it, I was too busy seeing Scott Niedermayer and the Devils getting their butts kicked) – I think the last time someone gets voted out, and there are only two people left, they should have to fight or something – steel cage, or something of that sort – now that would be survivor – for sure. But hey, what do I know. We live in a world where people actually watched that damn British lady verbally harass people. I would run her over in the parking lot if she got snotty with me.

So, after living in a studio apartment for a couple of months now, I’ve determined a few things that everyone should think about when determining whether to move into a studio apartment, as follows:

10. Two pictures = a full range of artwork

9. Yes, you actually have to put your dirty laundry into some sort of receptacle, as your bedroom= livingroom=office=kitchen.

8. Going into the other room and changing is just not happening.

7. Having overnight guests sleep on the couch can be a problem, especially if you feel like sleeping on it.

6. Leaving dishes in the sink is just not a good practice – you can’t get away from them.

5. You can never have enough closet space.

4. All of your furniture needs to match – the key word is ALL.

3. Parties = 5 people

2. You get to have one of those neat little folding screen thingies to get dressed behind – well, if you have room.

1. Just because it’s called a studio doesn’t mean that you should invite Snoop Dogg and the whole Dogg Pound over to do some recording – your walls are NOT soundproofed, no matter how much you might think they are.

Anyway – back from that rant. So we’ve got the Kentucky Derby coming up this weekend – should be an interesting time for us to hear “Gentlemen, start yer engines!” err. ooops my bad – I think I have Nascaritis or something. I mean, should be a fun weekend for people to place bets on horses that will come up lame and or back of the packers to take the lead, win two of the big races, only to come nowhere near the Triple Crown for yet another year. Always a good part of spring/summer to see – (yes, spring/summer – it’s a new season, since it doesn’t seem like we get one or the other as of yet – it’s just one big heatwave). On another note, we have some quality sports playoffs going on right now – the Knicks are being punished by God as we speak for defaming religious groups, the Yankees are killing the bad teams and losing to the good teams, which means yet another 87 win season followed by the World Series, the Mets aren’t sure what the heck they are doing, the Devils are going to fight their way through the playoffs, hopefully not having a player knocked out of each game with a head injury with 7 seconds left…. All in all, pretty exciting. Now all that has to happen is the Dallas Mavericks need to make it to the NBA Finals, and everything will be all right.

Okay – back to reality – no, not reality shows, reality, silly. We’ve got interest rates dropping dropping dropping, still further to go. Soon enough they’ll be negative, and you’ll get extra money given to YOU when you borrow it. That would be nice for a change. I found it amusing that the Fed keeps dropping rates, and mortgage interest rates went up like three days later. Hmm, someone trying to tell us something? And what the hell is up with gasoline – I get gas once a week, and it goes up a dime each and every week at the same gas station. Next thing I’ll hear is, “well, $.10 of $1.40 is a lower PERCENTAGE increase than $.10 of $1.30″ Yeah, because we’re all stupid. And it’s not like there’s really a shortage. OPEC just keeps cutting production, ExxonMobil comes out two weeks ago, and right under the headline about gasoline hitting $2.00, they announce like a 40% increase in earnings, due to “higher prices, cheaper production, and plenty of inventory” What the hell is that crap? Don’t even tell me that freaking gasoline prices aren’t somehow set by some sort of governmental movements. What a joke.

So at lunch today, a couple of us went to the Romania festival down on Wall Street. That was interesting. There were like 4 booths of Romanian things, followed by the same vendors who sell socks, sheets, sterling silver, blankets, pocketbooks, leather goods, jewelry, and my all time favorites, the CD salesmen who sell dance mix CDs at EVERY SINGLE ETHNIC FESTIVAL EVER! That makes sense. Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it.

So, last but not least, here are some really important things to ponder. What would you do for a Klondike Bar? What the hell is a P. Diddy? How is one found to have committed a War Crime – like, you can go shoot people in the head while fighting, but if you like pillage the villages, you’re committing a crime? Sounds fishy to me. Is the office always this quiet on a Friday? What the heck is that Smirnoff Ice stuff, anyway? Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? How “juicy” is Juicy Juice? What happened to Madge from the Palmolive commercials, and is she related to Flo, from “Alice”? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? When will Donna Hanover and Bill Clinton hook up? Exactly where did Trick Daddy come up with his name, and does it involve male prostitution? Does the Trix bunny ever get to have any Trix? If not, does he get to have Fred’s Pebbles with Barney? Why does NJ Transit tease us by putting up signs like “New trains are coming” for like two days and then take them away, never to be seen again? Is Europe’s “The Final Countdown” the best song ever? If an electric train is going 45 miles an hour west, and another electric train is going north at 72 miles per hour, and they are going to collide, which way is the smoke going? Anyway, that’s about it – we need some more amusing things to happen so I can make fun of them. See you all later, have a great weekend! TB